"I am woman, hear me whisper"

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.  People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

~ Marilyn Monroe

I wasn't sure where to begin with this blog post given that it's been so long since I last posted, but I got inspired this morning by a Dr's appt of all things and thought it was best I start there.  I know I usually talk about my quest to start my own clothing line and while this post may still tie that in somehow, I figured I make this post a little more personal and hopefully someone out there can relate in regards to my life for the past seven months.

My last post was four days before I found out that I was a Type II Diabetic.  I had been prediabetic for a few years and while I wasn't enjoying that status, I was hoping to either stay in that role for as long as possible or possibly reverse it completely.  But given my genetics, my body couldn't fight the inevitable on its own.  So there I sat in my Dr's office in tears after hearing her tell me that I'm offically a Diabetic and would now not only be on medicine, but could possibly be on it for the rest of my life.  She let me have my pity party for one for a litte bit before she began to tell me what my plan of action should be.  The same effort and energy I put into making sure my boys were healthy, would now have to be shifted to me.

Dieting was not an option.  If I was going to control my diabetes, it would have to be a lifestyle change.  The word can't could no longer be a part of my vocabulary.  It's not that I can't have sugar, I can only have it in limited quantities and have to be mindful of when I have it. It's not that I can't find time to exercise, I can make time to exercise or the diabetes will find time to take over my body.  The only person who could help me set realistic goals and find ways to achieve them was me.  I think that was the hardest part.  Learning to put me first and sticking to the plan that I came up with.  It's second nature for me to put myself last, but in doing that, I'm no good to anyone and that's not an option for me.

So I shifted my focus from beating myself up about what I was and wasn't doing when it came to fashion and instead focused on what I was and wasn't doing to become healthy.  Oddly enough, learning not to beat myself up when I made a mistake when it came to my diabetes, made me realize how hard I was on myself in other areas of my life.  The saying that "things happen for a reason" started to make sense to me instead of annoy me.  Instead of staying in the belief of woe is me, I started believing that in order for me to achieve certain things in my life, I need to be fit both mentally and physically.  Watching what I eat and making sure I fit in exercise has made me realize the importance of me.

I'm important.  Taking care of my boys, working, paying bills, etc, are important, but so am I.  I think a lot of Moms forget that and sometimes life finds a way of reminding you.  My reminder came in the form of diabetes, but it can come in other forms as well.  While becoming a diabetic hasn't been a walk in the park, the milestones I've reached along the way, have made it a little bit easier.  Losing 20lbs and keeping it off has been something that I have learned to pat myself on the back for.  Lowering my A1C levels within a normal range was something that made me high-five my Dr. this morning.

So while I still hope to achieve milestones when it comes to fashion, I'm learning to applaud myself for other things that I've achieved.  I'm learning to pat myself on the back more often and dust myself off when I struggle.  I'm realizing that when bad things happen, it's not because life had nothing better to do and decided to rain on my parade.  Maybe it's because something good is waiting around the corner, but I won't know how to appreciate it without tackling an obstacle or two. 

Sincerely,

Ebony
(Conquering the world, one stylish and healthy step at a time)