Friday, May 13, 2011

April Showers Brings One Beautiful May Flower

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

~ Anais Nin

While I like to think that I possess many talents, sadly, having a green thumb hasn't been one of them. So when I purchased my home back in 2009 and saw that it had no flowers for me to destroy, I was elated. That was until I saw other houses like mine with beautiful flowers and saw how much curb appeal it added. So last year I set out on a quest to start adding some appeal to my curb.

Given the fact that I knew my track record with flowers, I decided to start in my backyard first, that way only I and my boys would know my triumphant victory of usual defeat. I found a section in my yard that seemed to just be calling for a flower bed and began taking up weeds, turning the soil and carefully planting the tulip seeds I had chosen. I stepped back, wished my seeds good luck and turned my sights on other parts of the yard.

Fast forward to most recently when I decided it definitely was not going to snow again and it was time for me to start fixing the yard up for spring. In the process of picking up broken branches and removing leaves that never truly seem to go away, something bright caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought something had blown into my flower bed, but as I got closer, I was greeted with the most beautiful sight ever. There stood two beautiful tulips peaking out from the ground. Given the horrible winter we've had, I had forgotten that I had even planted seeds the year before. But there was my proof right in front of me in the most vibrant color imaginable.

After I remembered that I have neighbors that can see me in my own yard, I stopped doing my happy dance and decided to have my boys share in the excitement. I was a little surprised that they didn't feel the need to break out into the running man like I did, but it was still a nice moment. I was able to use that tulip as a lesson in how sometimes beautiful things take longer to appear, but once they do, it's well worth the wait.

That tulip also taught me a lesson. I tend to be impatient sometimes. I want results now or I'm a little bothered. I've learned to pick and choose my most impatient moments, but it's still a work in progress. But seeing that flower that day really made me stop and think. How many things have I passed up because I thought they would take too long or that the effort I put into it wasn't worth the result? How many times have I tried to take the easy route only to get sub par results, when taking a more involved approach, while time-consuming, would have benefited me far more? How many beautiful moments have I let slip away?

So as I sit in my sunroom/sewing room and find myself at a loss for how I'm going to start actually doing fashion instead of just talking about it, I look out my window at the tulip and cut myself some slack. There is no easy way to do what I want to do and that has caused me to be in a paralyzed state both creatively and productively. For some reason I've held myself to a standard that unless it's the best of me, I don't want to put anything out there. But in thinking that way, I've allowed myself to stay safe and only dream of my possibilities instead of living them.

So instead of waiting for everything to fall into place, I'm going to actually sew something. If it takes me longer than usual because I'm still working 40 hours a week, a Mom 24/7, a friend, a sister and a daughter, then so be it. The finished product will be well worth it because I will have not given up or tossed it aside because it didn't give me immediate satisfaction. And if one week I'm drawing things left and right and the next week I barely crack open my drawing book, then that's okay too. But to not start anything at all, is far more alarming and a pattern I need to break.

So in taking a cue from my tulips, I will remember that there are beautiful things worth waiting for. There are things in life that will take longer than you want them to, but will be worth the wait. There will be moments where you want to give up because you feel like you have nothing left to give. But for each of those moments, there will also be times where things seem to fall into place, opportunities banging at your door, and the sweet smell of success is tucked away in a small part of your yard greeting you every time you look out your window.



(Conquering the world, one stylish step at a time)