Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Me, Myself and the House

"We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly"

-Shakti Gawain

Of all the quotes I read on a daily basis, this one would be the one to have burned into my heart and mind during this period of my life. While this blog is supposed to chronicle my ups and downs with launching a clothing line, I feel that it also needs to chronicle the personal struggles I overcome aside from that passion.

Currently, my energy has been focused on purchasing my first home. It has been a dream of mine to own a home for quite some time and up until recently, it always seemed out of my reach. While I thought I planned everything out and worked every possible angle (the control freak in me loves doing this part), I didn't plan for the "what if none of your planning and preparation works out" alternative.

I found a house that I like. I can't say love since saying that means it's the house that I have posted on my vision board and this house is just a couple of thousand feet off to meet that requirement. I like the house because it's in a great location and mostly because my sons love it. It's just enough house for the three of us and has extra space for me to sew and for them to have a game room outside of their bedroom.

For the first time ever, I would actually have a dining room that could fit a large table for my friends and family since I do like to entertain...spaciously if possible. The yard is a great size and has so much potential, that I have to stop myself from committing every landscape picture I see to memory before I run out of mental space.

The whole house has been renovated which means I can just paint certain walls, move in and start living in our new home. I thought I wanted a house that needed renovations until I took a long look at the way our current schedules are and realized that I just wouldn't have the time or the patience to fix up a house.

I'm posting this because in the process of pursuiing my passion for owning a home, I have suspended the passion for fashion design and it concerns me. I worry that I'll move in and may be consumed with fixing up the house the way I want and will somehow never find time to stop and focus on the other things I love. I have this tendency to become so focused on something that I block out other things in order to see that one task to completion with the best possible result. The problem with that is that I somehow lose myself in the process. I back away from something that brings me joy in order to fix and get rid of what's bringing me pain at the time.

I'm not sure how to find the balance of tackling projects as they come while staying focused on a long term goal. I love the satisfaction that comes with getting things done right away, but I know I need to learn that things take time. I didn't just start wanting a house a month ago. I've wanted one since I was younger and it has taken quite some time for me to get to this point. I need to find a way to make sure I make time for things that may not give me instant satisfaction, but will provide me with the happiness I need to just enjoy life in general.

My first step in cleaning my mind of all the chaos is to clean my house. I've watched enough episdes of Clean House and HGTV to know that when your house is cluttered, your mind is cluttered. So, I'm going to do something that I've always thought about doing but wasn't sure how to make it work. It's time for me to have a "Mama Needs a New House" yard sale. Just the thought of all the things I could sell or give away excites me because I know that it will result in less clutter in my house.

These next couple of months are going to continue to be a roller-coaster ride of emotions for me, but for the first time, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to beating myself up about getting things multiple things done and not letting one sole project consume all of my time and energy. This house represents a lot of accomplishments for me, but I can't let it be the sole one for this year. This is the year that I will look back on and just say "Wow"...that was amazing!


(Conquering the world, one stylish step at a time)