Me, Myself and the House

"We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly"

-Shakti Gawain

Of all the quotes I read on a daily basis, this one would be the one to have burned into my heart and mind during this period of my life. While this blog is supposed to chronicle my ups and downs with launching a clothing line, I feel that it also needs to chronicle the personal struggles I overcome aside from that passion.

Currently, my energy has been focused on purchasing my first home. It has been a dream of mine to own a home for quite some time and up until recently, it always seemed out of my reach. While I thought I planned everything out and worked every possible angle (the control freak in me loves doing this part), I didn't plan for the "what if none of your planning and preparation works out" alternative.

I found a house that I like. I can't say love since saying that means it's the house that I have posted on my vision board and this house is just a couple of thousand feet off to meet that requirement. I like the house because it's in a great location and mostly because my sons love it. It's just enough house for the three of us and has extra space for me to sew and for them to have a game room outside of their bedroom.

For the first time ever, I would actually have a dining room that could fit a large table for my friends and family since I do like to entertain...spaciously if possible. The yard is a great size and has so much potential, that I have to stop myself from committing every landscape picture I see to memory before I run out of mental space.

The whole house has been renovated which means I can just paint certain walls, move in and start living in our new home. I thought I wanted a house that needed renovations until I took a long look at the way our current schedules are and realized that I just wouldn't have the time or the patience to fix up a house.

I'm posting this because in the process of pursuiing my passion for owning a home, I have suspended the passion for fashion design and it concerns me. I worry that I'll move in and may be consumed with fixing up the house the way I want and will somehow never find time to stop and focus on the other things I love. I have this tendency to become so focused on something that I block out other things in order to see that one task to completion with the best possible result. The problem with that is that I somehow lose myself in the process. I back away from something that brings me joy in order to fix and get rid of what's bringing me pain at the time.

I'm not sure how to find the balance of tackling projects as they come while staying focused on a long term goal. I love the satisfaction that comes with getting things done right away, but I know I need to learn that things take time. I didn't just start wanting a house a month ago. I've wanted one since I was younger and it has taken quite some time for me to get to this point. I need to find a way to make sure I make time for things that may not give me instant satisfaction, but will provide me with the happiness I need to just enjoy life in general.

My first step in cleaning my mind of all the chaos is to clean my house. I've watched enough episdes of Clean House and HGTV to know that when your house is cluttered, your mind is cluttered. So, I'm going to do something that I've always thought about doing but wasn't sure how to make it work. It's time for me to have a "Mama Needs a New House" yard sale. Just the thought of all the things I could sell or give away excites me because I know that it will result in less clutter in my house.

These next couple of months are going to continue to be a roller-coaster ride of emotions for me, but for the first time, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to beating myself up about getting things multiple things done and not letting one sole project consume all of my time and energy. This house represents a lot of accomplishments for me, but I can't let it be the sole one for this year. This is the year that I will look back on and just say "Wow"...that was amazing!

Sincerely,

Ebony
(Conquering the world, one stylish step at a time)

Learning to Live in the Present

First, I'd like to apologize for those people who loyally follow me on this blog and to those who stop by to read. I am disappointed that I never even took the time to post at least once during the month of May. That goes to show how much this post is really needed.

In a quest to keep a promise to my boys of buying a house of our own this year, I have become somewhat obsessed about it, which has caused me to lose focus on other things of importance. I have let other things go with the mindset that once we move into our house, that I would be able to focus on them again. I now realize how silly that train of thought has been given that there will always be other things that will come up and I have to learn to just make it fit around my other priorities.

One of my main priorities regardless of when I purchase a home, is to get our current home organized. Everything that I have read always seems to point back to the fact that a cluttered house equals a cluttered mind and I couldn't agree with that more. If I don't get things organized now and implement a regular system of keeping things organized, then I will ultimately bring this same clutter to our next place, which would start the viscious cycle over again.

I use to think that being a procrastinator was okay as long as I was able to get things done and produce the same results as if I had done it right away. Unfortunately, procrastination gives room for the unexpected things that always come up, to have a field day and wreck even more havoc on an otherwise simple situation.

I went to a first-time homebuyer's class yesterday and they also had people who were trying to save their home in attendance. It was heartbreaking to hear the stories of people who worked hard to attain the American Dream, only to find out that they had been misled and now might lose their home. But as heartbreaking as it was, not one of them seemed to have the outlook that this was the end for them. They knew where they went wrong and just wanted someone to point them in the right direction so they could keep moving forward. I found it both eye-opening and inspirational. These people tried something and it didn't work out, but yet they didn't let it beat them or define who they are. They made my pity-parties I've been having lately seem more pathetic than what I suspected they already were.

All my life I've been waiting for things to be as close to perfect for me to try new things. No matter what the situation, I have always managed to convince myself why that particular moment wasn't the right one in order for me to move ahead. Well, it's a new day and I'm tired of hoping that the future will bring better results in order to make the present more liveable. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so living as if tomorrow will come around and be better, only makes you comfortable in the present which means you will never take risks that are sometimes necessary to move you closer to where you are meant to be.

This all being said, I will not only start living in the present, I will now do things that make the present day what I want it to be. Besides my passion for designing, I have always had a love for dance. When I was younger, I had my heart set on taking dance lessons, but the costs couldn't be justified. Over the years, I would fondly remember the times that my sister and I would make up dances to songs and brush it off as just something we did to pass the time away. It has only been recently that I have realized how much I really want to pursue dancing, but again, I let my own fears and doubts creep in and prevent me from pursuing it.

Yesterday, I got over that fear and picked up the phone to set up a dance lesson. They'll teach me a variety of ballroom dances and then my instructor and I will figure out where my true passion is. I already have an idea, but we'll see if his insight matches my vision. I've also decided to stop depending on whether or not I'm able to make it to my sewing lesson as the determining factor of whether or not I sew on a regular basis. I took lessons starting in Jr. High through High Shcool and always had a love for it. I know I'm a little rusty, but that's what practice is for.

Sincerely,

Ebony
(Conquering the world, one stylish step at a time)

Fabrics, Buttons and Thread, Oh My!

"The sad truth is that opportunity doesn't knock twice. You can put things off until tomorrow but tomorrow may never come. Where will you be a few years down the line. Will it be everything you dreamed of. We seal our fate with the choices we take, but don't give a second thought to the chances we take".

~ Gloria Estefan

This past Saturday, I had the pleasure of doing something I haven't done in awhile. I not only went to a fabric store, but I also purchased two bolts of fabric that were so full of color and life, that they inspired me to draw again. I forgot how fun it is to try to recreate fabric through the use of markers. I got so involved with trying to match the fabric perfectly, they I went past my goal of spending a hour in my sewing studio. Luckily I have a great supporter in my boyfriend who cooked dinner while I designed.

Here is a draft of the sketch that I just couldn't walk away from:


One thing that allowed me to just draw was the fact that I didn't beat myself up for not making sure my hands, feet and face were perfect on the figure. I can remember being in my Fashion Illustration class and getting frustrated by the details of everything other than the design that I was trying to transfer from my head to the paper. I recently came across some Fashion Croquis that I will use to make sure my portfolio looks more professional, but the design itself will be what most of my focus is on.

It's amazing the feeling you get when you allow yourself to do what you do best and find resources to help you with those things that aren't within your skill set. I had been putting off going into my sewing studio because I felt like I wasn't ready. I felt like I had to know how to sew like an expert and draw like an experienced artist. Once I let go of my own limitations and realized that what I know today will help me know more tomorrow, I was able to just do what felt natural.

I know that I'm a little rusty since I haven't given Fashion Design the same attention as I do everything else, but I also know that my passion and desire to succeed are so deeply embedded in me, that I have to just do something. There will never be a perfect time, just the time that I dedicate to it.

This is my time to take a chance and create my own moment of Aha!

Sincerely,

Ebony
(Conquering the world, one stylish step at a time)

Where it all began

I can remember as a little girl anxiously waiting for the Miss America pageant to start on TV. While others watched to find out who would be crowned with the coveted title, I watched to see what dresses the contestants would wear. I admired the way the dresses fit and the intricate detail that was added to make a particular dress stand out from the rest. With each dress that came on stage, I became more and more mesmerized. It was then that I realized that I wanted to become a fashion designer.

With that realization came the many designs that I would sketch out on whatever piece of paper I could get my hands on. I also managed to take over control of my mother's sewing machine to make some dresses for my dolls out of cut up socks (which make the best fitted dresses for dolls).

Through the years, I have gotten sidetracked and walked down different paths, but they all seem to lead me right back to my passion of becoming a fashion designer. So, I decided that I was going to get out of my own way and not only pursue my dream, but stay focused and committed into turning it into a reality.

This blog will chronicle what steps I take forward as well as some that I may take backwards. Please check often and comment, especially if you notice that I haven't updated the blog in awhile. I have set a goal of writing down one thing a day that I have done to make myself better and keeping this blog updated on a regular basis helps to fulfill that requirement.

Sincerely,

Ebony
(Conquering the world, one stylish step at a time)